Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i've created a new STD.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
