You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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