so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
