Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
