I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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