I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
