I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
