he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
