Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
