Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
