just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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