he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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