i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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