nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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