people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
