They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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