How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
