if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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