i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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