Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
be right there i have to get my cape
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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