At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
