burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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