Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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