Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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