woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
