Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
