just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
