I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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