Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
