i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
