My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
