He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
