dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
