Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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