Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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