Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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