just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
