I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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