So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
