Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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