the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
