Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
