I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
