You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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