He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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