i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
