we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
