i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
