I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
