Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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