The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
