So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
