Plan B is the new Plan A
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
