we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
