Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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