she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
